Justine Manzano Dear Justine,
I’ve quite literally been where you are. I know how your life looks difficult as hell and I know you can see the potential for greatness. I promise you, one day you will be happier than you can possibly understand.
If I had to give you words of wisdom, I’m not really sure what I would say. I could try to help you avoid disaster. There are so many on the way. Some sooner than others. But then, these things you will go through, have gone through, are building blocks of who we become. They make you strong. They make you better.
They make you much more unbreakable than you are now.
But I can give some advice. You won’t take it. You’re more stubborn now than you will be. Still…for whatever it’s worth…
- You’re almost out. Keep moving forward. Those plans you’re making, that big shift you’re building for? It’s coming, and you can hold on until you get there. Put one foot in front of the other and keep moving.
- Don’t chase people. You don’t need them. It’s weird. Right now, it feels like your strength lies in the approval of those around you. Their opinion feels like the world. But it’s not. So many people that matter to you now will be completely gone from your life by the time you’re approaching forty. And the ones that stay? They matter more than you ever could have realized.
- You’re not crazy. There are so many things you think you see that people will tell you aren’t true. The abuse, it’s real. You saw and heard and felt what you thought you did. You just happened to be surrounded by some master manipulators who make you doubt yourself. But you’re not losing it. Those things happened.
- You’re not crazy. Not even when the doctors say it. There is a larger overlying condition causing all of the things that are going on with you. There is something wrong with you. Don’t let doctors tell you it’s your weight. Don’t let them tell you you’re too young. So what if you’re a medical marvel. It’s better to know sooner.
- The things you achieve will never look like you expected them to, but they will absolutely be achievements. Don’t be afraid to look at what you thought winning would look like a little differently.
- Family is so much more than blood. Some of your blood relatives will be awesome. Others will disappoint you, they’ll hurt you. You already know this by now. The important thing is, blood isn’t the extent of what a family can be. And you will find so many more ways to identify family through the years. You have no idea what you’re about to discover, and you don’t realize what you already have. Family is found. And you’ve found yours.
- Don’t be so rigid. When you get older, none of these weird ideas you have about what people should and shouldn’t do will matter nearly as much to you. And, even more importantly, don’t push those ideas on other people. Your life gets way easier when you learn to go with the flow and let people be who they are without judgment. It’s their life. They have to make their choices and live with them, and you have to mind your own business.
- It’s strange that someone who lets so many people walk all over her would be so opinionated about some things (see above). But just as others have the right to exist as they are and in their own space, so do you. So speak up. Say more. And stop worrying what everyone else thinks. You won’t remember half of them in a few years.
Most importantly, remember that you are stronger than you know and smarter than you realize. Things will come up and try to throw you off. You will find your way out in the end. And when you do, your life will find a new level of emotional ease. Just hold on.