Justine Manzano Hi all,
I am very pleased to announce the publication of my essay, “Organized Chaos.” This one is extremely close to my heart and was a very difficult essay to write. It is the story of three generations of mental illness struggles and how it influenced me when I was a new parent.
The baby was crying again, just as he had been for hours on end for what seemed like days. I had done everything I could think of to comfort him, but nothing ever seemed to work. Every failed attempt further fed into the belief that was already tearing apart everything about the parent I believed I’d be. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t be this. I was my mother’s daughter. I found myself reduced to sitting and staring at my son with empty eyes as his reddened face continued to scream. My fingers raked through my hair, my own blood crusted underneath my fingernails. I didn’t know what to do. Not knowing what to do was not a comfortable place for me.
To read the piece in its entirety, please visit OpenWork here.