On Shedding Negative Influences

Choices, Choices, Choices

For a few different personal reasons, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about my childhood and the way others around me were raised. As a person who has served in a leadership position with teenagers before, I find I’m often giving advice to the younger generation. From my sister-in-law, Megan, and my cousin Ashley, both of which are twelve years younger than me, to my son and his friends, I find myself talking to younger people relatively often. I have been asked often for my best bit of advice, so I figured I’d share it here and maybe explain it a little.

The only person you have to answer to about the choices in your life is you.

I may be an adult now, but I was once a kid, like everyone else. When I was a child, I often had to fall in line with the views and values of my family, in an effort to keep things calm. For reasons that are far too personal for a blog post, my family was a rocky (sometimes leaky) boat, and I often found myself making the choices that would keep the rough waves at bay. Sometimes those you’ve lived your life around teach you crappy habits. Sometimes those you’ve lived your life around don’t teach you the kind of values you need to succeed. Sometimes those who should love you the most, don’t want you to be who you are, and will do their best to stifle it–and frighteningly, sometimes they do this while thinking they are HELPING.

Young or old, the best way to combat a problematic childhood is to determine who you want to be and IGNORE THE REST. Now, I’m not claiming this is easy, or even that you have tools for it. Most people don’t when they first strike out on their own, because their lives have been topsy turvy for so long that it’s hard to figure out where to begin. It may take awhile for you to find your way out of the muck.

So where should you begin? Do you know someone whose life seems like it’s going well? Do you wish you could live a life that is as calm as theirs? As adventurous? Do you wish you had their career? Surround yourself with people like that. Talk to them, ask them for guidance, strive to redirect your life in their direction. There will always be negative people in your life. There will always be people trying to drag you down. Find the people who want to help and let them help you. Learn from them.

But more than anything, duplicate their drive. Find out what makes them tick, how they keep themselves motivated. Every single day, stay sharp and redirect yourself towards the life you wish you had but didn’t.

And those people who constantly illustrate the wrong things in life? You know them. The ones who are constantly rolling in drama, having the police called on them, constantly losing friends and family who can’t deal with their crap, who think hard work is a joke, who always look for the easy way out? Those are the kinds of people who hold you back. Because guess what? There are no easy ways out.

The only way to accomplish anything is time and hard work. And the only way you’re going to learn the best way to dedicate that time and hard work? Positive influences. So surround yourself with people who will help you find good resources. And remember that though it won’t ever be easy, you can always break away from where you come from, but you can’t break away from who you become. So put yourself and your own development first. And keep moving onward and upward.

 

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